so this is what it feels like to be disoriented and stressed over something non-academic. it’s 1:30 AM and the only way i can visually describe my mind is like the texture of a river. all these thoughts are running through my head spontaneously:
where’s my ipod touch? do i have to play phone tag again? will i be ready by 3:30? what am i packing? am i bringing my mac book? am i going to be too exhausted for saturdays shift? will i make it to taylor’s birthday party in santa cruz? is it going to be super sketch? i always ask this because we teenagers are unreliable, inaccurate (therefore sometimes come off as liars), unable to settle for a central idea/plan for 4 hours, last minute…it is probably my greatest pet peeve.
anyways, continuing the list:
why does my mom mechanically wake up at 1 AM? and why does my dad think im capable of sneaking out if this is so? why am i not able to sleep before 11? i make myself stay up past midnight because it is of my nature. why is it that my septum ring [slightly] closes when i leave it out for 4 hrs? (ive had it since last november)? why do i find myself so imperfect? why is it that recently i just want to like…fall madly in love with someone? (trust me, i dont speak of these things very often). which makes me wonder, why am i so selective? why do i not give people a chance? has my hope for human beings swooped so low?
i feel so undeserving.